Bari-Educational TV: Videos To Teach You About You And Your Options

  • 1. The Stages of Digestion
  • 2. Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass
  • 3. Gastric Banding
  • 4. Sleeve Gastrectomy
  • 5. Duodenal Switch
"Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway."

~ Author Unknown

Monday, January 4, 2010

My 2009 In Review And Racing Into 2010

Time passes so quickly and as I keep trying to think back on where I was in my life last year at this time, I find myself coming up blank with only flashes and snippets of memories here and there.  I do remember that at this time last year I was on my way out of a very unhealthy relationship.  I'd spent 2 1/2 years with someone that was with me not because he really loved me, but because he didn't want to be alone.  If I search myself enough, I think the truth is that I may have been with him for the same reason.  He was great at bringing me romantic "gifts", usually my favorite junk foods in excess (10 pints of Ben & Jerry's all at once here, or a couple of dozen of Krispy Kreme doughnuts there).  He actually admitted that he thought that if he could "fatten me up" or keep me fat that no one else would want me and that I would stay with him.  He said it as a joke but one of my best friends has a saying..."There's a little truth to every joke."

During those years, I watched myself get fatter and fatter ignoring the fact that I was quickly moving from one size into the next.  I think I turned a blind eye to what I saw in the mirror.  I accept complete responsibility for everything that I put into my mouth, whether he bought it or I did, but I also recognize that I allowed myself to be affected by my environment when it came to food.  As I started to take control of different areas of my life, I finally started to take a good long look in the mirror, at myself and the relationship.  I realized that I wasn't happy and that when I looked ahead into the future, I didn't like where my life was going.  I wanted more quality to my life......and less of me to enjoy it.

I walked away from the relationship, and it really wasn't hard.  I'm a pretty driven kind of girl and once I make up my mind to accomplish something, there's no stopping me.  My ex fought for the relationship.  He fought really hard but luckily for me, the saying "out of the heart the mouth speaks" holds very true.  Every time he opened his mouth and spoke....I was more and more sure that I was making the right decision.

I'd entertained the idea of weight loss surgery because I knew that losing over 100 lbs. was not something that I could do on my own as I'd never been successful in my attempts to lose and maintain weight loss before. to the information session I went.  Initially I was disappointed that my insurance required a six month medically supervised diet but as I look back, I am extremely thankful for that period of time as it gave me the opportunity to gradually make changes in my diet that I could stick with.  It also gave me the chance to interact with a support group on a regular basis which prepared me for surgery and my life after in ways that I really needed.  My 2009 was spent as a year of learning and growing mentally and emotionally, and shrinking physically.

My surgery came and went and I'm excited about my 2010.  I'm still learning which becomes more and more evident every time I go to the grocery store.  In a few days, I'll finally be 2 months post-op and therefore able to progress from my soft diet to a regular one.  Somehow I don't think it will make grocery shopping any easier for me though.  I read the label of everything I pick up and feel somewhat afraid because how do you know exactly how many grams of fat, or how many grams of sugar are too many? 

It's a process that will take time and I'll continue to seek support as well as go through good old fashioned trial and error as I have been.  So far I've been doing very well.  I feel very optimistic going forward.  I have my first half marathon of the year coming up this weekend and have already registered for another in March.  It feels incredible to set race goals again!!  I can't wait to have that finisher's medal placed around my neck if I have to crawl to the finish line to get it! 

Between 2001 and 2002, I ran 4 full marathons and several shorter races.  When I first started running all those years ago, I weighed 182 lbs.  When I stepped on the scale today, I was 189.8 lbs.  I was hoping to be down to 183 by this weekend's race as that would put me at a total loss of 50 lbs. from my highest, but I don't think I'll make it.  I'm okay with that.  The important thing is that I won't be 189.8 forever, and I hopefully will never weigh this much again.  I will make it to that 50 lb. loss and hopefully much, much more.  The other great thing is that I'm on the road again, walking for now not running, but I'm getting the mileage in all the same.  At the finish line, it doesn't matter if you've walked or run the race.  You've completed 13.1 miles and that's a half marathon no matter how you look at it.  I'm nervous but excited and with my mom at my side, it's gonna be a great day!