The Decision To Become A Vixen

Okay, so my life on the fat list started as soon as puberty hit. I remember being in sixth grade and realizing that I now had fried eggs on my chest so stuffing my training bra with cotton balls was no longer necessary. That was a good thing because trying to keep those damn things clustered together was a feat as I'd look down after recess and realize that one of my "nipples" was floating in my sweater somewhere near my waist.

I remember trying different sports in school usually because a friend convinced me to, but never really found my niche until finally my friend Melissa invited me to come with her to become A CHEERLEADER and finally....I'd found a sport that even I could do. The angels in heaven sang a lovely tune, strummed their harps, and covered their ears when they realized that I was a great cheerleader because I had a BIG MOUTH!! I was blessed with strength though, so I could hold all of those cute little blondes in the palm of my hand as we chanted out cheers for "OFFENSE" and "DEFENSE" (whatever those were).

Yes, the gifts for sports and athleticism were totally lost on me. I struck out in tee ball and sat the bench in basketball, volleyball, and yes, even in track. I tried to run a few races but decided to quit when I realized that the next set of runners were out of the starting blocks, and I hadn't even finished the previous race yet. The whole exercise thing was not my forte and I was glad to put it behind me when I went to college.

I got to the university with a nice normal 130 lbs on my 5' 2" frame. I'd been warned of the Freshman 15, but figured it was just a myth. I was walking all over campus everyday so there's no waaay that I could actually gain weight!! The cafeteria was open from 7am to 7pm, an unending buffet of carb-o-liciousness. Life went from 3 meals a day to eating and grazing when each and every friend got out of class. Instead of 3 meals a day, it was now 3 dinners a day, with a full breakfast, and probably 2 lunches in between. My summers were filled popping popcorn at the local movie theatre often working double shifts and realizing that there was no better nutrition than movie popcorn with tons of butter, chocolate candy, and Cherry Coke....well that was if I didn't have time to run down to the local Chinese joint for my favorite dish.

By my 4th year, I sauntered onto the stage of the fat list at a mere 190 lbs. I hadn't weighed myself in four years and couldn't believe my eyes until I saw pictures of myself and realized that I'd been buying larger and larger sizes of clothes as the years passed by. My mother often nagged me about my weight but I knew that nagging was a part of motherhood and I indeed have a very fine mother.

Over the years my weight ebbed and flowed with much less ebbing, and much more flowing. I now fast forward to today in my mid-thirties and my awakening to what seems to have become my permanent seat on the fat list.

I feel fatigued and slow with my achy back, hips and knees. I'm tired of going to the grocery store and pretending that all of this food is for a family of six and not just for me. I'm tired of being embarassed working in hospitals and having to ask for scrubs that have to be found in the men's locker rooms, because the ladies' rooms aren't stocked with sizes large enough to fit me, and...the shame of getting out of the car one day and watching my jeans split open at the seam on my thigh. It's time for a change, and that time is NOW.

Sure, many people joke that they'd love to have weight loss surgery (WLS) as an "easy" way to take off a few pounds. I once knew someone who'd had gastric bypass but she was 382 lbs. I never seriously thought that it would be something for "me"....that is until I realized that I too had over 100 lbs. to lose.

I'm embarking on this journey to find a new life, a new confidence, and a new me. I know deep down under all of this fat is that sexy, strong, confident, spicy, Vixen that I've always wanted to be.

*Funny note* After I'd already written the word "vixen" above, I found out that although not well known, DC Comics created a character known as Vixen as its first African-American superhero over 20 years ago!!