Atonement: Day 3

It's Day 3 of my liquid diet and although this is just as tough as I thought it would be, I'm finding that it is bringing a clarity of mind that I didn't expect.  I'm addicted to tv about as much as I am to food and while laying in bed last night in the peaceful silence of the night, I thought to myself, "Self, maybe this would be a good time to turn off the tv for a few weeks and really work on some of those all important head hunger coping strategies".  There's no better time than the present.

From a physical standpoint, the days on the liquid diet are getting worse before they get better and I expected that.  My stomach is knocking loudly and screaming "Hey!! Did you forget about me??? Where's the beef??".  My bladder is saying "Girlfriend, you've got me workin' overtime!".  I had a headache yesterday and I still have to consciously remind myself not to go and get something to eat.

Mentally, I'm focused on what I'm working toward.  This is a time of atonement for me, a time to let go of all of my old destructive eating habits, and a time to let go of the old me, the fat me, the me that hides in plain sight and directs my eyes to the ground instead of making eye contact with people sometimes.  I have some workbooks (The Beck Diet Solution and The Food And Feelings Workbook) that I think I'm going to delve into and really work through in these next weeks. 

My journey has officially begun.  These are the first days of the rest of my life and I don't ever want to go back to this person that has absolutely no control over food.  I'm sticking with my diet instructions religiously and challenging myself.  I want to lose as much weight during these two weeks as I possibly can, weight in pounds, and weight in burden.  I'm looking forward to having the time off work to focus on myself.  It's so rare in our lives that we have the opportunity to take time away like this and I want to be a new and improved me when my physical healing time is done.  I know the psychological healing will be a lifelong battle but if I equip myself with the tools now and continue to do so on a regular basis, the changes that I make within myself can become a reality and long term.  I've heard that it takes 40 days of doing something consistently in order for it to become a habit. 

I'm taking up a new habit.  It's called caring about myself enough to pay attention to what's going on in my head, in the mirror, and on the scale.