Surgery Day

I'm ready to go.  My laparoscopic RNY gastric bypass surgery is to start in only a matter of hours.  I'm still not nervous about the surgery...odd.  The only thing I feel nervous about is forgetting to take something that I might want to have with me, and worrying about my dog's separation anxiety.  I'm so accustomed to having tons of things to do before getting ready for a relocation or a big day at work and now it feels so strange because my overnight bag is packed and there's nothing left for me to "do". 

I've lost about 14 lbs on my pre-op liquid diet; about 23 lbs total from my highest weight of 233 lbs.  I can't believe that I've done it, and what's even better is that I can't believe that it only gets better from here because I actually get to keep the weight off!!

These pictures were taken in July of 2008 in San Diego, CA and I definitely was at my highest weight and worst days of binge eating.  I was away at a conference and had this photo shoot done and was pretty mortified when I looked at the pictures later.  The photographer is a great guy and likes to photograph in natural settings.  He gives you the opportunity to be your own model or bring out your inner "sex kitten" as I like to call it.  I knew when I posed for the pictures that I didn't like how I looked that day.  I knew that I looked fat, that I felt fat, and that my fat was showing.  I was sad and too embarassed by most of the pictures to share them with friends.

It was also at that time that I made a decision.  I had to do something about my weight.  I knew that dieting wasn't going to work because I'd tried it so many times before, but I had to at least give it another shot.  I started eating Lean Cuisines for just about every meal and exercising but my excess pounds looked at me and laughed.  It was then that I started to seriously think about surgery.  Over the next few months I did some investigating to find out if my insurance would cover gastric bypass or not and when I found out that they did, there was no turning back.

Now here I am, November 2009 and my time for surgery is here.

These pictures were taken this morning.  I'm still fat and it still shows, but I've lost almost 23 lbs!  I'm smiling a little more these days.

I wanted to get a picture of me showing my pretend buffness so that when I actually have shoulders and collarbones and muscles that you can see, I can look back to this picture and really be proud of the decision that I've made.

I received a call from my surgeon earlier this evening (yes on a Sunday, is he great or what??) and he's proud of the progress that I've made so far.  I can't wait to see him tomorrow!  I have lots of support and people that are believing in me, but most of all, I believe in me and that's what going to keep me going day after day, but most especially in the difficult days ahead.  Please keep me in your thoughts over these next couple of days.  I still have my invincibility complex that tells me that I'll be updating you on how I'm doing from the hospital.  Sounds crazy, yes, I know, but this whole blogging thing is pretty fun for me and kind of therapeutic too!