A Special Christmas With Friends

I once lived in the Orlando, Florida area for nearly 7 years.  I have only a few contacts left here but one of them is a true friend that is more like a sister to me.  We don't always keep in touch as much as we should, but nevertheless, we know that the other is always there if we need them.  Christmas is by far my favorite holiday and I wasn't looking forward to spending it alone.  I've done it before but it's just not the same as spending the day with friends and family.  I was so excited that my friend invited me to share Christmas with her and her family.

When we talked a few days ago, she told me all of the things that she was cooking for Christmas dinner and even offered to make some special items for me.  I told her not to worry about me.  I made a meal on my own and took it with me and was just happy to spend the day with friends.  I can remember years ago when we were both single and going out living the single life and looking for dating opportunities.  We both have stories to share that we laugh about today.  A few years ago, she met the man of her dreams and I came back down for the wedding.  I'm so happy for them now as they are expecting their first child within the next few weeks.  I even got to feel the baby move!

Our lives have gone in different directions but yet in many ways we are both having dreams come true.  I couldn't be happier for her, and in seeing my weight loss and how I feel about myself, she couldn't be happier for me.  She was there for the times when I really felt the most insecure about my body and shied away from opportunities for fun because of my self-image.  There's much to be said about having great support along this journey.  I have to say that I've been extremely blessed in having support from nearly everyone around me.  It really makes a difference!

My Christmas gift this year is the gift of connecting with family and friends, seeing positive changes in myself physically and mentally, and knowing that I am loved.  These gifts far outweigh any material gifts that I could receive.

Sundays At Mama's House

I woke up today feeling extremely lonely for some reason.  I had decided that I was going to start my liquid diet a day early (today) as it just seems appropriate as it's the first day of the week.  What's interesting is that it seems like I'm being tested.  Because I feel lonely, I want to go ahead and eat today, but I'm going to be strong, do my chores to stay busy, and remember that food is meant for nourishment, not to be my friend.

Growing up, Sunday dinner was always somewhat of a big production.  My mom would start prepping things on Saturday nights and the smells of great tasting food would start wafting their way upstairs even early in the morning.  By the time we came home from church, the only thing we needed to do was heat everything up and throw the freshly raised dinner rolls into the oven to bake.  We'd laugh and talk over the meal just enjoying the time together.  Afterward, we'd all relax in the den and snooze or maybe watch a movie.  I really miss those days sometimes.  It was family time, but family time that was also centered around food.  I think that I am really going to start noticing now exactly how much food is the center of quality time between family and friends.  When I do see my family for visits or holidays it will be a strange time, but I can only hope that I will have their support in a way that considers the differences in my dietary needs and that the focus can shift more from the food to the gift of the family time.  Perhaps the family dinners can now begin to incorporate healthier foods, not so much for my benefit alone, but for the benefit of all of us.

Weight Loss Saboteurs

It's no secret that I'm a big tv addict. It has contributed to my obesity and there's no question about that. I was never a fan of The Biggest Loser because I always thought, "how can they exploit these people by having them standing in front of America in their sports bras or bare chests with all of their fat out to be judged and criticized? And I won't even mention watching them get yelled and sworn at by the trainers. How humiliating!" But, I found myself flipping through the channels last season and something on the show caught my eye so I decided to watch it.

I watched the tail end of last season and have started to watch this season from the beginning 3 weeks ago. I can see that some of the yelling during the training sessions really does have to do with challenging the contestants to go beyond what they think their own capabilities are, but I can see that in some ways it also helps them to release the frustrations of their emotional issues too.

I was watching tonight's episode where the theme for the challenges was "Would You Rather?". Basically, would you rather stick to your plan of losing weight and use all of your resources here, or would you rather advance yourself in the game by other means, including at the peril of your fellow contestants. While it is a competition, at this stage of the game it is, or should be, more of a support group because everyone is just starting out and trying to lose the bulk of their excess weight.

Tonight, there was a contestant, Tracey, that opted for the advancement of herself in the game during each of the challenges, even at the chagrin of her partner who she never consulted in her decision making. She basically took the fate of the other contestants in her hands and made some decisions about who she thought should be able to stay or go....a pretty gutsy move for someone who spent the first entire week in the hospital because of her exertion during the very first challenge!!



Luckily by the end of the night, the person who most needed to stay got to stay, but two other people were still sacrificed because of Tracey's actions. It made me think of the people in my life who have tried to sabotage my efforts at losing weight over time, or simply contributed heavily to my gaining. No, of course I didn't have to put the food into my mouth, but you don't set a pile of cocaine in front of a drug addict as a gift and think that they won't use. It's tough enough trying to resist temptation on my own, but when you buy me 10 pints of Ben & Jerry's Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream, you might as well stick a needle in my arm and shoot me up with it!

Only time will really tell how much support I have from my family and friends following my surgery. I will admit that outside of my support group, I feel pretty alone in this. I'm thankful for my support group and all that I've learned from them and I hope that I've built some lifelong friendships there. I know that many people say that their friendships and sometimes family relationships change post-surgery and it will be interesting to see if anything does change. I have a unique situation with my job where I actually move every few months so I have no friends that I see on a regular basis. Most of our communication is through Facebook or emails. I guess the biggest change then would be in relationships with my family. Who knows, maybe I can be an inspiration or a motivation for them. One can only hope.