New Milestone And The BMI Is No B.S.!!

Wow, I just realized that it's been a long time since I've posted! Life is still good and after a long stall, I'm happy to report that my scale has inched down a little and I've finally hit my milestone of having lost just over 50 lbs. from my highest weight. I've kicked up my exercise some incorporating some resistance training and an old favorite, spinning classes. Look out Lance Armstrong, cuz you ain't got nothin' on me! ha ha

It feels great to look in the mirror and see a difference and to have more energy. I haven't felt this good in a really long time and it's so awesome to know that it only gets better from here because I still have a long way to go. I've been taking my walking up to a run and playing around with a faster pace in preparation for my next half marathon coming up the first weekend in March. I've aggravated an old knee injury in doing so which is very frustrating because I am one of those crazy people that loves running and knows the feeling of being "in the zone" and it's difficult to want to be there but have pain holding you back. I know of a few things that I can do to help and I'm going to do everything that I can because now that I'm racing again, I realize that my motivation for exercise is very much goal-driven and that when I have a race on my calendar, I'm much more inspired to get out on the trails or to the gym everyday.

One thing that I know about myself is that once I begin learning something new or taking my life in a new direction, I become somewhat consumed with it and often share with family and friends whatever my new endeavor happens to be. Of course right now, that endeavor is my weight loss and learning to be healthier long term. Prior to my surgery, I shared my plans with family and a few friends and for the most part the reaction was positive and I received a great deal of encouragement. I didn't receive much opposition but I did receive comments from some people that "...you're not that big so why do you need surgery?....or why can't you just keep dieting and exercising?"

I came to understand that in general, most people only think of weight loss surgery as something for the super morbidly obese that they see on tv. They don't realize that a great number of patients that undergo surgery are people like me that are morbidly obese, even though we're not 500 lbs.

Within the black community, obesity is rampant and our culture is one that typically values a "thick" woman over one without curves. I've found myself becoming frustrated in some conversations with friends because I've had to explain to them that yes, I was morbidly obese at 233 lbs. for my height of only 5'3". I've had to explain that if I didn't do something to change, I was setting myself up for long term illnesses like diabetes and high blood pressure that has hit nearly everyone in my family over the age of 45. Where I get downright angry though is when we start to discuss the BMI scale and I've faced the opinion that the BMI scale doesn't include us and is only made for white people, or people without "natural curves".

The BMI scale is not bullshit, and it generally includes everyone unless you are an ELITE athlete like a bodybuilder or Olympian that works out to the point that your weight is not necessarily proportional to your height. In general those not represented on the BMI scale have such a low percentage of body fat that their BMI is really unimportant, but for those of us who are average people, a normal range in BMI is actually pretty wide. For me at 5'3", I can weigh anywhere from 109-140 lbs. and have a normal, healthy BMI. That range encompasses many body types and frame sizes, and definitely includes black women and our natural curves. Yes, the BMI scale was made for us too!!

I guess I get angry because I see the obesity epidemic, the diabetes and hypertension epidemics, and yet the attitude that somehow the color of our skin and the curve of our hips makes us immune to needing to get fit. It's not an excuse! I watch friends and yes, even family members who eat unhealthy foods, and some who won't even walk to the end of the driveway for exercise, try to justify a weight of over 200 lbs. as being normal and it's not okay!! Yes, I'm sounding off and it doesn't really matter what I think because everyone is in control of their own bodies and yes, I know that just because I had surgery doesn't mean that everyone else should, but the truth must be told.

Watching Oprah's show on diabetes the other day, I saw a shocking reality that many of my people need to see...the long term devastating effects that diabetes can have. Consider this video:

 Why This Diabetic Had Her Leg Amputated

If you knew that this could happen to you, would you still keep the same habits that you have today? One of the reasons that I had surgery was to try to prevent diabetes.  I'm frustrated because I can't get my family members to embrace the fact that with the proper diet and exercise, they could live free of their medications.  I have to accept that I can't change their minds or make their choices for them just because I love them.  I can only change me....but, even though I can't change them, I will not accept their excuses.  I WILL tell the truth, and that truth is that no matter what excuses you make, no matter how you justify your behaviors or unwillingness to change, it doesn't change the facts of obesity.  The fact is that obesity is unhealthy, no matter what color you are.  The fact is that obesity can and will shorten your life and alter your quality of life.

You don't have to have weight loss surgery it that's not the road for you, but you do have to face your own reality and the reality of your health.  You have to live with your own choices and the effect those choices have on your future.  I choose to live and to live healthy.  I choose to live long and to live strong.  I once met an 82 year old man walking a half marathon.  He said that he'd been running only since his 50's but that he'd done over 25 marathons over the years.  He was lean, healthy, and strong and someday....that will be me.

A Special Christmas With Friends

I once lived in the Orlando, Florida area for nearly 7 years.  I have only a few contacts left here but one of them is a true friend that is more like a sister to me.  We don't always keep in touch as much as we should, but nevertheless, we know that the other is always there if we need them.  Christmas is by far my favorite holiday and I wasn't looking forward to spending it alone.  I've done it before but it's just not the same as spending the day with friends and family.  I was so excited that my friend invited me to share Christmas with her and her family.

When we talked a few days ago, she told me all of the things that she was cooking for Christmas dinner and even offered to make some special items for me.  I told her not to worry about me.  I made a meal on my own and took it with me and was just happy to spend the day with friends.  I can remember years ago when we were both single and going out living the single life and looking for dating opportunities.  We both have stories to share that we laugh about today.  A few years ago, she met the man of her dreams and I came back down for the wedding.  I'm so happy for them now as they are expecting their first child within the next few weeks.  I even got to feel the baby move!

Our lives have gone in different directions but yet in many ways we are both having dreams come true.  I couldn't be happier for her, and in seeing my weight loss and how I feel about myself, she couldn't be happier for me.  She was there for the times when I really felt the most insecure about my body and shied away from opportunities for fun because of my self-image.  There's much to be said about having great support along this journey.  I have to say that I've been extremely blessed in having support from nearly everyone around me.  It really makes a difference!

My Christmas gift this year is the gift of connecting with family and friends, seeing positive changes in myself physically and mentally, and knowing that I am loved.  These gifts far outweigh any material gifts that I could receive.

I Survived Golden Corral??

For the past week and a half, my mother has been in town to help me with my initial stages of surgery recovery.  It's been a challenge from the very first day that she's been here because I was on my pre-op liquid diet when she arrived, then on to clear liquids, and now my pureed diet while my mom is able to eat whatever her heart desires.  We've been into several restaurants, to the movies, and of course the grocery store and she even brought Bojangle's Fried Chicken into my hospital room, yet I've done really well at dealing with being surrounded by my favorite foods without being able to have them.  I've remained focused on my goal and the fact that I knew that this time would come.

After surviving the movie theatre today being surrounded by the smell of hot, fresh, buttered popcorn, my mom elected to go to Golden Corral for dinner.  For those of you not from the south, Golden Corral is a tasty, home-cooked, buffet restaurant with freshly baked yeast rolls, cookies, cakes, cooked to order steaks, freshly sliced meats, fried chicken, and many other Southern food favorites including sweet iced tea.  I once knew someone who called it "The Trough", which is quite an appropriate name for the place because once inside, you really are tempted to fill up your plate, forgo the silverware, and just go to town coming up for air only between trips to the buffet!

When my mom said that she wanted to go to Golden Corral, I thought about saying that I couldn't handle it, but at the same time, I know that there are going to be situations when I'll have social obligations in the future where I am confronted with my favorite foods and I'll need to adjust.  So.....off to "The Trough" we go!

To remind you, I'm on my pureed diet now so there are some normal foods that I can have.  What matters most next to nutritional quality of course is the consistency of the food.  I was hungry and figured that there might be a few options for me.  I'm pretty proud of myself.  Before paying and committing to eating, I browsed over the buffet selections to see if there was indeed anything that I could have within reason.  I managed to find some tuna salad that I could pick the celery and onion pieces out of, a tiny bit of mashed potatoes, meatloaf with tomato sauce, and applesauce.  I put a small amount of each on my plate and figured, "go with what you know......start with the protein".  I started with the tuna salad and was able to finish that along with the spoonful of mashed potatoes and about 2 bites of the meatloaf.  I was full and satisfied and ate slowly enough to hopefully give my stomach the opportunity to tolerate everything.

So far so good on the digestion side, but I have to say that mentally that was THE greatest challenge that I've had since doing my pre-op liquid diet and now since surgery.  Just seeing all of the foods that I normally would have not just eaten but devoured!  Watching others come to their tables with plates of my favorites and watching my mom pick over her red velvet cake that I wanted to steal because she ate around the frosting leaving just the icing on the plate.  It was really hard!!  Even now a couple of hours later with my stomach full enough that I couldn't possibly eat a thing, my brain still says, "I want this....I want that!  I wish I could have taken just a bite of this or a spoonful of that!" 

It's so amazing that even though our brains control everything, they can also be so wrong about some things.  Sure, I'd love the taste of almost every one of those foods, but do I really want them?  Hmmm, (all surgery aside) let me think.  Do I want to eat them and feel bloated and overstuffed?  Do I want to feel the anger at myself for being out of control?  Do I want to wake up in the morning feeling famished because my blood sugar has spiked and dropped so low that I can barely move?  Ummm...no, I think I'll take the memories of all of the times that I have eaten all of that stuff before and have a sip of a lemonade protein drink.  I think I'll enjoy the way my clothes are feeling and the numbers that I'm seeing on the scale.

I know that the honeymoon period of only being able to eat these small amounts will not last long, yet in a way, because my brain still wants these foods now, there isn't really much of a honeymoon at all.  This is such a scary journey!!  It's somewhat easy to resist now, but will I always be successful at resisting?  The only thing that I know of that I can do, is to work through some of the books that I have that teach different methods of focusing on the true purpose of food and my feelings, and of course, give a gift to a therapist this holiday season......a little gift called JOB SECURITY!!!

Sundays At Mama's House

I woke up today feeling extremely lonely for some reason.  I had decided that I was going to start my liquid diet a day early (today) as it just seems appropriate as it's the first day of the week.  What's interesting is that it seems like I'm being tested.  Because I feel lonely, I want to go ahead and eat today, but I'm going to be strong, do my chores to stay busy, and remember that food is meant for nourishment, not to be my friend.

Growing up, Sunday dinner was always somewhat of a big production.  My mom would start prepping things on Saturday nights and the smells of great tasting food would start wafting their way upstairs even early in the morning.  By the time we came home from church, the only thing we needed to do was heat everything up and throw the freshly raised dinner rolls into the oven to bake.  We'd laugh and talk over the meal just enjoying the time together.  Afterward, we'd all relax in the den and snooze or maybe watch a movie.  I really miss those days sometimes.  It was family time, but family time that was also centered around food.  I think that I am really going to start noticing now exactly how much food is the center of quality time between family and friends.  When I do see my family for visits or holidays it will be a strange time, but I can only hope that I will have their support in a way that considers the differences in my dietary needs and that the focus can shift more from the food to the gift of the family time.  Perhaps the family dinners can now begin to incorporate healthier foods, not so much for my benefit alone, but for the benefit of all of us.