New Milestone And The BMI Is No B.S.!!

Wow, I just realized that it's been a long time since I've posted! Life is still good and after a long stall, I'm happy to report that my scale has inched down a little and I've finally hit my milestone of having lost just over 50 lbs. from my highest weight. I've kicked up my exercise some incorporating some resistance training and an old favorite, spinning classes. Look out Lance Armstrong, cuz you ain't got nothin' on me! ha ha

It feels great to look in the mirror and see a difference and to have more energy. I haven't felt this good in a really long time and it's so awesome to know that it only gets better from here because I still have a long way to go. I've been taking my walking up to a run and playing around with a faster pace in preparation for my next half marathon coming up the first weekend in March. I've aggravated an old knee injury in doing so which is very frustrating because I am one of those crazy people that loves running and knows the feeling of being "in the zone" and it's difficult to want to be there but have pain holding you back. I know of a few things that I can do to help and I'm going to do everything that I can because now that I'm racing again, I realize that my motivation for exercise is very much goal-driven and that when I have a race on my calendar, I'm much more inspired to get out on the trails or to the gym everyday.

One thing that I know about myself is that once I begin learning something new or taking my life in a new direction, I become somewhat consumed with it and often share with family and friends whatever my new endeavor happens to be. Of course right now, that endeavor is my weight loss and learning to be healthier long term. Prior to my surgery, I shared my plans with family and a few friends and for the most part the reaction was positive and I received a great deal of encouragement. I didn't receive much opposition but I did receive comments from some people that "...you're not that big so why do you need surgery?....or why can't you just keep dieting and exercising?"

I came to understand that in general, most people only think of weight loss surgery as something for the super morbidly obese that they see on tv. They don't realize that a great number of patients that undergo surgery are people like me that are morbidly obese, even though we're not 500 lbs.

Within the black community, obesity is rampant and our culture is one that typically values a "thick" woman over one without curves. I've found myself becoming frustrated in some conversations with friends because I've had to explain to them that yes, I was morbidly obese at 233 lbs. for my height of only 5'3". I've had to explain that if I didn't do something to change, I was setting myself up for long term illnesses like diabetes and high blood pressure that has hit nearly everyone in my family over the age of 45. Where I get downright angry though is when we start to discuss the BMI scale and I've faced the opinion that the BMI scale doesn't include us and is only made for white people, or people without "natural curves".

The BMI scale is not bullshit, and it generally includes everyone unless you are an ELITE athlete like a bodybuilder or Olympian that works out to the point that your weight is not necessarily proportional to your height. In general those not represented on the BMI scale have such a low percentage of body fat that their BMI is really unimportant, but for those of us who are average people, a normal range in BMI is actually pretty wide. For me at 5'3", I can weigh anywhere from 109-140 lbs. and have a normal, healthy BMI. That range encompasses many body types and frame sizes, and definitely includes black women and our natural curves. Yes, the BMI scale was made for us too!!

I guess I get angry because I see the obesity epidemic, the diabetes and hypertension epidemics, and yet the attitude that somehow the color of our skin and the curve of our hips makes us immune to needing to get fit. It's not an excuse! I watch friends and yes, even family members who eat unhealthy foods, and some who won't even walk to the end of the driveway for exercise, try to justify a weight of over 200 lbs. as being normal and it's not okay!! Yes, I'm sounding off and it doesn't really matter what I think because everyone is in control of their own bodies and yes, I know that just because I had surgery doesn't mean that everyone else should, but the truth must be told.

Watching Oprah's show on diabetes the other day, I saw a shocking reality that many of my people need to see...the long term devastating effects that diabetes can have. Consider this video:

 Why This Diabetic Had Her Leg Amputated

If you knew that this could happen to you, would you still keep the same habits that you have today? One of the reasons that I had surgery was to try to prevent diabetes.  I'm frustrated because I can't get my family members to embrace the fact that with the proper diet and exercise, they could live free of their medications.  I have to accept that I can't change their minds or make their choices for them just because I love them.  I can only change me....but, even though I can't change them, I will not accept their excuses.  I WILL tell the truth, and that truth is that no matter what excuses you make, no matter how you justify your behaviors or unwillingness to change, it doesn't change the facts of obesity.  The fact is that obesity is unhealthy, no matter what color you are.  The fact is that obesity can and will shorten your life and alter your quality of life.

You don't have to have weight loss surgery it that's not the road for you, but you do have to face your own reality and the reality of your health.  You have to live with your own choices and the effect those choices have on your future.  I choose to live and to live healthy.  I choose to live long and to live strong.  I once met an 82 year old man walking a half marathon.  He said that he'd been running only since his 50's but that he'd done over 25 marathons over the years.  He was lean, healthy, and strong and someday....that will be me.

My Eeyore Syndrome

The last couple of weeks have flown by and while I've successfully progressed to my soft diet and am feeling even stronger during my workouts, I feel like I've been suffering from what I'm calling "My Eeyore Syndrome".  Eeyore is probably my favorite Winnie the Pooh character because he reminds me so much of myself.

Lately, I've been feeling really exhausted and I'm not sure if it's from my surgery, my normal seasonal depression, a vitamin deficiency, or just being lazy.  I do think that I'm hard on myself because I feel guilty if I'm not working out 5-6 days a week even this early out. There are days when I feel strong and can get in over 12,000 steps on my pedometer, then there are other days when I don't want to get out of bed.  The great news is this...I'm back to work next week and I just received word yesterday that my next assignment is in southwest Florida.  Hallelujah!!  I am definitely a solar powered girl and I know that the sunshine and warmer temperatures will do wonders for me, not to mention the peace of the white sandy beaches.  I look forward to taking long walks with the sun beating down on my face.

Even without working out everyday though, I do feel good in that I am feeling stronger and pushing myself more during the workouts that I have been doing.  I love to do what I call my treadmill aerobics where I add arm exercises to my walking.  Add just the right mix of dance music and I remind myself of my old spinning instructor, full of energy and pep.  Hmm....maybe someday I could create some sort of class utilizing the treadmill with the arm movements.  Walking is great for you and doesn't leave you with "bike butt". 

Overall, I am recovering well and learning through trial and error what foods I can handle and which ones I cannot.  I haven't attempted milk in quite some time.  My initial intolerance even with the light soymilk was enough to give me a healthy fear that I'm not sure that I want to get over.  My high protein staple meal for both the protein and the fiber is fat free refried beans with melted reduced fat cheese and plain greek yogurt on top in place of sour cream.  Four ounces of beans with 2 ounces each of the cheese and yogurt packs a whopping 20g of protein and satisfies my cravings for Mexican food.  I went out for dinner last night and did well with baby back ribs and broccoli.  Barbecue sauce gave me the moisture that I needed for the pork and the steamed broccoli was smooth sailing.

Although tired, I feel good.  I miss being able to eat and drink at the same time and do have some food mourning when I pass what used to be some of my favorite restaurants or when I think of certain foods, but I still have not had one day where I've regretted my decision to have surgery and change my life.  So far I'm down about 39 lbs. from my highest weight, 22 lbs. since surgery.  The weight is coming off somewhat slowly in comparison to others, but I consider that a good thing, and I just keep reassuring myself that the weight is indeed coming off.  I can see it in the mirror and in the smile on my face when I look in the mirror.

I just realized last night that I've already taken all of my summer clothes to Goodwill and bought simple sweats with drawstring waists to get me through the winter.  I thought to myself, "...I shoud have held onto those a little longer since I'm now going to Florida!", but the truth is that they were all too big now anyway!!  So, I'll just have to visit Goodwill again to see if I can find some "new" clothes for the warm weather.  That feels so great to say!!

More Random Thoughts and Reflections

Before having my surgery, I was counting down the days.  I was excited about starting a new experience, a new life, but also excited to have some extended time away from work so that I can focus on myself both inside and out.  I've taken a full six weeks off and I'm so very glad that I did.  Physically, my body is still adjusting to the surgical changes and my lower digestive system is being very slow to awaken from its hibernation, and mentally, I'm having the opportunity to establish good habits and see what works for me as far as getting in all of my protein, hydration, and exercise for each day. 

Generally when I'm working, my work days begin very early in the day, sometimes getting me out of bed as early as 4:30am which is tough for me because I'm much more of a night person. I tend to be somewhat sluggish in the mornings sometimes because of not having gone to bed early enough the night before.  One good habit that I've always had (thanks Mom) is eating breakfast.  I make time in my mornings to eat breakfast almost every single day without fail.  Having breakfast gets my metabolism and blood sugar started for the day so I tend to eat the majority of my calories during the day.  I'm not usually a huge late night snacker, but I've always loved having dessert with dinner. 

While I've been off from work, I'm noticing that while I have the luxury of going to bed late and sleeping in, I still maintain the same habits as far as my food consumption.  If I don't get nearly all of my protein and fluids in early in the day, I have a really difficult time trying to finish them in the evening.  I've tried to spread my meals and protein drinks out throughout the day but it just doesn't really work well for me.  I'm also finding that the more I workout, the easier it is to get my 64 ounces of fluids in.  During the evening, I'm just not very hungry and find it hard to drink much at that time too.

Here is what I ate and drank today, along with the supplements that I take:

Breakfast (or shall I just say 1st meal):  HealthWise Protein Drink (obtained from my doctor's office).  It was 30g of protein in 12 ounces of water.  Supplements: 1 multivitamin, 1 calcium, and 1 probiotic

During my treadmill workout:  Synthrax Nectar Fuzzy Navel protein powder (1 scoop = 23g of protein) in 12 ounces of Diet V-8 Splash, then 32 ounces of ice water.  After my workout I was still finishing the water but was able to finish it before the evening started.  

Dinner:  4 ounces of fat free refried beans with 2 ounces of reduced fat cheddar cheese mmmm...  That's 14g of protein altogether.  Supplements:  1 calcium and 1 biotin

At this point, I've now gotten in 67 of my total 70g of protein for the day, and 56 of my 64 ounces of hydration!!  I'll have one small drink before bed but I'm thankful that I don't feel the pressure of not having gotten everything in.  I'll also take my final calcium and multivitamin too.

For exercise, I've set the goal of 5,000-10,000 or more steps per day on my pedometer or 5 miles on the treadmill.  I'm preparing for the Walt Disney World Half Marathon next month and while I know that I won't be the fastest walker out there, I just want to finish and feel good.  I find that each week I'm able to walk a little longer and still feel great afterward.  The 5 miles on the treadmill takes me just under an hour and a half and that's just about the pace that I will need to maintain during the race to keep from getting picked up by the "you're going too slow and we're closing down the finish line" paddywagon.

I must say that I haven't had one thought of regret for having this surgery so far.  Instead, even on the days that I physically feel like crap, I think about the big picture and the fact that I'm doing something really good for myself.  So often, I, like so many others, try to please everyone around me, even at my own expense sometimes.  I've taken the fall for others before simply because it was easier to bring whatever the conflict was to a close.  I feel so good right now just allowing myself to be renewed.  It's possible that the person who returns to my job will not be the same person that left.  I think that I will be happier because I will have more balance in my life, and I also think that I will be able to let stressful situations roll off my back a little easier because I have to focus on my food and drink consumption and exercise and I can't hide away with junk food to get through the stress.

I know that things will by far not be perfect, but I truly believe that how I handle and react to diferent situations will improve as I am a happier me!

Still Going Strong

It's been a very arduous week at work so I haven't had a chance to post but I'm still going strong on the liquid diet.  It took a few days to get the hang of what I CAN have and of course it took my body a few days to get adjusted to things, but overall I'm doing pretty well.  I've lost about 6 lbs. this week so I'm definitely happy with that.  I've lost just about all of my "Last Supper" regain.  I haven't been able to give up watching television this week but I figure I was having an insane moment of mania where I really thought momentarily that I had super powers or something because me giving up television is indeed more difficult to imagine than me giving up food.  I'm living in a hotel right now so I don't have my TIVO set up so not watching tv without having my TIVO to record my shows...yeah, not gonna happen.

Not much to really say.  I told a friend the other day that I was having gastric bypass and met with the first extremely strong voice of opposition that I've gotten so far.  The response was "rearranging your digestive system can't be good for you...", "....all you need to do is get on a treadmill, have you tried that?" as well as asking if anybody knew the long term effects of weight loss surgery.  I'm like, dude, the long term effect is that you live a healthier life!! A longer life!!  Should I ever lose my mind and decide to get pregnant, I could have a healthier pregnancy and a healthier baby! I can rebel against my family history of high blood pressure and diabetes!!

I think that people don't realize that weight loss surgery is nothing new.  We hear about it more now because more people are having the surgery, because more insurance companies are covering it, but people have been doing this for a very long time.  I'm 5' 3" and at my highest weight was 233 lbs.  Some people look at that number and think that I don't need surgery because I'm not 300, 400, or 500 lbs. or more and my response to that is when I see that the situation is out of control, why wait until it gets worse??  Alot of people look at me and don't think that I'm big enough for surgery which, I guess is meant to be complementary, but in a way tells me that they're okay with me being the fat girl.  They're used to it.  I look forward to seeing the change in people's attitudes toward me once I am smaller.

I was talking to someone today that has a friend that is post-op gastric bypass.  She said that her friend had her surgery in 2008 and that when she looks at her friend now, she can't even remember what she looked like when she was fat.  I want someone to be able to say that about me.  More importantly, I want to be able to say that about myself!