On Your Mark.....

Well, I think I'm pretty prepared for my liquid diet.  I've got more protein powder in my house right now than the amount of protein in my body, my dog's body, and my cat's combined!  That's okay though because I know that part of this is for the next two weeks and the rest will be put to good use after my big day.  I'm trying to get some different varieties to see what I like, but also keeping in mind that my taste buds will likely change after surgery.  I'd purchased some Chike Very Vanilla and Banana Creme but was disappointed when I looked at the labels and found that they each have 11-12g of carbs in them.  I discussed it with my dietician yesterday and she gave me a few options.  I can a) send it back, or b) go ahead and use it but decrease carbohydrates in other areas. I really like the taste of the Chike so I'm still trying to decide what to do.  It's a difficult decision as each has 28g of protein!

I decided to stop by Vitamin Shoppe on the way home just to take a peek and came across a few additional brands that are worthy of giving a try.  I bought Nectar Vanilla Bean Torte and Nectar Caribbean Cooler.  Both carry 23g of protein, 0g of carbs, 0g of sugar, and 0g of fat!  If I like the taste of the Nectar Vanilla, the decision about the Chike will be easily made.  I also picked up 4 bottles of the Isopure glass bottle protein drinks, each with 40g of protein in Mango Peach, Passion Fruit, Grape, and Apple Melon as well as one individual vial of the New Whey Liquid Protein with 42g of protein in 3.4 oz.

Oh gee, did I forget to mention that several weeks ago I'd already ordered 2 tubs each of Unjury Chicken Soup, Unflavored, and Chocolate?  And darn, I also forgot to mention that I picked up an Unjury Strawberry Sorbet and 2 boxes of  Health Wise Pineapple, one of my ultimate favorites.  Wow!! Yeah, I think that I'm definitely ready!!  I'll have to give up my green smoothies for now but will hopefully be able to add those back in later with some protein added in.  Maybe I can really do this!! 

One thing that I've already learned in looking ahead to the post-op days is that I'll need to be creative.  I had one challenge that I wasn't sure how I would overcome.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I work in an operating room.  I'm in a unique position where I very rarely get breaks of any kind.  On many days, I'm doing pretty good if I've had the chance to run to the bathroom during the course of the day...and lunch??  You can't exactly pull out a sandwich and start munching away!  The challenge, how to remain hydrated and find a way to sip on my protein fluids throughout the day.  It took some brainstorming and the only thing that I could think of is a Camelbak (you know, those special backpacks that cyclists wear that hold water?).  Well, I can't exactly walk around the room with a Camelbak attached to my back so I did a little research.  It turns out that Camelbak has a few designs that are lumbar packs that can be worn like fanny packs!  I can wear it as a fanny pack and run the drinking tube through my scrub shirt and keep it at my shoulder.  That way, I can sneak a few sips here and there so that I don't get dehydrated, and it doesn't compromise the sterility of the environment. Ha, the best part is that it has extra pockets that I can use to carry some of my supplies!!

If you'd told me one year ago, that the money that I'd budgeted for groceries would all be going to protein powders and mix-ins, I would have thought you crazy, but now, this is a reality for me.  My protein supplements will be a part of my grocery budget for life and with all of the great recipes that I've come across online, I'm okay with that.  There are so many varieties out there and so many ways to prepare them that it doesn't have to get boring.  I'm starting to see a bit into the future and learning that with some creativity, it is possible to get used to a new life and a way of eating that is completely foreign from anything that I've ever known.

*Health Wise products are only available through a licensed medical professional.  Bariatric Choice offers a different brand called Bari Wise which is available in a variety of flavors including pineapple. 

Time Is Ticking Away...

Yesterday, I drove up to Charlotte, NC for all of my final pre-op appointments.  I met with the bariatric nurse registrar at the hospital and got registered there, saw my dietician to go over my pre-op diet, and saw my surgeon.  Each of them felt that I was well prepared for the surgery and confident that I can be successful which was an awesome feeling.  They were amazed at the amount of research that I've done over these months that I've had, and I have to admit that I've probably spent time reading studies and blogs to obsession, not to mention the time spent in a support group on a regular basis.

My program is currently set up with their support group meeting only once a month with a brief presentation, then break-out sessions for gastric band patients and one for bypass patients.  Although I started my program in North Carolina and will be having my surgery there, I've lived in Albany, New York for the majority of the time that I've been preparing for surgery, so I've been attending the support group there.  The program in Albany has separate groups: one for those beginning the process, interested in more information, and recent bypass and band post-op patients, one group dedicated solely to band patients, and one group dedicated to post-op patients that have a year or more of time under their belts. 

I suggested to everyone that I met with yesterday that the only thing that I would change about our program is the amount of time dedicated to support groups within each month, and truly, that is the only thing that I would change as I've found the program to be outstanding in the information given, the attention and sensitivity given to the patients, and all of the resources available.

Each of the people that I met with suggested that after I go through my surgery and am a ways out, that I should lead a support group of my own because of the amount of research that I've done and knowledge that I've accumulated.  I felt very flattered and comforted in knowing that my questions have been answered and not only do I feel prepared, but those taking care of me have confidence that things will go well and that I can indeed be successful.  I taught high school several years ago and am used to teaching and facilitating within a group setting, so I just might have to take them up on their idea someday!!

I also feel ready to give up my time of bingeing (especially after seeing the 8 lbs. that I've gained back in just one month!).  My last supper time has come to its close, and my liquid diet starts on Monday.  In some strange way, I'm looking forward to it, although I'm sure that in the first few days I will see mirages of food in everything I see, sort of like in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons!

In case you can't tell, I am so very excited!!!  I'm not nervous at all.  I feel confident and comforted, and reassured.  Probably most important of all, I believe in my surgeon, and believe that I have indeed made the right choice in choosing to go through this process and taking control over my life.  

I'm very much looking forward to seeing my mom and sister and feel so blessed to have their support.  Alright, enough of this sappy, mushy talk.  I need to get to work!!  Blessings though to all of you who read this.  May you be encouraged in your journey, wherever you are, and if you're not happy with what the scale says today......just say "Screw it!!" and go eat some protein!!  LOL

Post-Op Inspiration

Hey there Post-Ops!!  I'd love some inspiration from you as I'm winding down my last 3 weeks before surgery. I'm having laparoscopic RNY.  I want to know from you two things....

1. What was your most embarassing moment as a morbidly obese person?
2. In what way has your life changed so that moment would never happen to you today (other than the obvious weight loss)?

If you prefer, you could answer any of these questions in addition or instead....

1. What were your thoughts going into those last few days or weeks before surgery?
2. In retrospect, what do you wish that you would have known then that you would change if you had it to do all over again?  (e.g. I would have read more about.... or I would have gone to more support groups, etc.)
3. What has been your greatest mental or emotional struggle since you had your surgery?
4. What does your weekly exercise routine consist of?
5. Did you experience any serious complications and if you're comfortable, would you mind sharing some of your experiences?
6. And lastly, what's on your Bucket List now that you've lost your excess weight that you wouldn't have been able to do before?

Please tell me how long it has been since you had your surgery.  You can leave your comments here on the blog openly or anonymously, your choice. 

As you can tell from my blog, as well as my presence on Facebook, Twitter, and the Twibe,  I've been researching my upcoming surgery quite extensively since I started the process back in January.  I have my last pre-op appointments with my surgeon and dietician this Thursday 10/22, then will be starting my two week liquid liver reduction diet next Monday, 10/26.  Nothing motivates me more than hearing your stories both good and bad.  I like hearing the truth because I know that medicine is not a perfect science for anyone.

Thanks in advance for sharing and tweeting and for being my fellow twits and tweeples!

Thinking thin,
travelingvixen
(aka Ericka)

Out of Control

I'm so out of control right now.  I've been binging as if I were on the reality show Survivor and have been on a deserted island for 30 days with nothing but small hints of fish, rice, and maybe a little bit of fruit, and then rewarded with a feast.  Although I've spent a great deal of time attending and listening attentively in support groups, the fact of the matter is that I don't know exactly what my body will be able to handle after surgery.  There are some foods that are obviously not on the post-op plan and these are the foods that I'm binging on.  While I am definitely committed to the process, I feel somewhat like a failure now as this is the pattern that I've always fell into with diets before.  I'll do the "right things" to lose weight and change my eating habits until all of a sudden a switch somehow flips in my head drawing me to all of the junk food like a tweaker searching for their next hit!

My liver reduction diet starts on October 26th and I've been having a mental countdown of the days in my head saying, "you only have this many days left, you better grab all you can before it's too late!".  Fourteen more days.....what have you been craving that will be off limits later?  I feel horrible.  This makes me wonder if I will indeed be able to be successful.  I pray that I will be able to use my tool in the way that it's intended and that I can do all of the work necessary to keep me on the right path even after my appetite returns.  I don't want to live my life feeling this lack of control forever.

On the flip side, I just bought a Blendtec Total Blender to help me to make nutritious green smoothies and for my protein shakes and pureed phase of my post-op diet.  I've already made one green smoothie in it that was surprisingly pretty good, and a chicken tortilla soup made from all natural ingredients.  I felt a rush of excitement in making those meals because a.) they are actually good for me, but b.) because I simply love gadgets and this is sort of my new toy!

I've been looking online for green smoothie recipes (as well as adding protein powder to them).  I'm also kind of just throwing things together to see what happens and how it will taste.  My smoothie from the other night was made from the following:

• kale
• parsley
• broccoli
• carrots
• bananas
• red grapes
• green grapes
• and lots of ice

I did a pretty good job except for when I decided to add more grapes and ice and didn't close the lid of the blender well enough.  Let's just say that the kitchen walls were temporarily repainted as was the floor, and my clothes!!

The chicken tortilla soup recipe came from the Blendtec cookbook and was made with:

• Roma tomatoes
• taco seasoning
• sharp cheddar cheese made with 2% milk
• cilantro
• fresh garlic
• carrots
• onions
• chicken base
• and water

I added some chunks of chicken breast at the end along with a few tortilla chips and it was very tasty!!  It's amazing that you can actually make hot soup in a blender!!  Hopefully I'll enjoy playing with my new gadget continually with healthy protein shakes and soups, and let the binging go forever.  I know that my surgery is only a tool, but I'm also hoping that it will be simply a fresh start to a new life....a life where I can learn to control what I can in my life without reaching for food as my one and only answer.  Lord grant me the grace to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference....something like that, you get the idea.

The Last Supper Syndrome

This process toward surgery has been such a long and emotional road.  You start out with this checklist of documents that have to be submitted; appointments with surgeons, nurses, nutritionists, dieticians, fitness trainers, psychologists, The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and I'm sure Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was in there somewhere too.  The anticipation builds as you cross each of your appointments off the list.  You've been poked and prodded, endoscoped, and stepped on the scale more times in the last 6 months, than you have in the last 6 years.  You've completed your six month medically supervised diet, submitted all of the necessary paperwork for insurance approval and lo and behold, in the words of Suze Orman, "You've Been Approved!".  Not only are you approved, but you have a date with your surgeon (quite possibly the first date you've had in ohhh...months, years?) That very last set of pre-op appointments is scheduled on the calendar.

I have to fulfill a two week liquid liver reduction diet immediately prior to surgery that will start on October 26th, but in the meantime, now what? The two sides of my brain are at war.  It's like watching the old cartoons where you have the little angel on one shoulder and the spunky little horned devil on the other.  My little angel is saying, "Bless you my child.  You've done wonderful things!  You've learned new eating habits and started the emotional work to become a healthier individual.  You shall be blessed for ten thousand years, drop ten sizes, officially become one of those "skinny bitches", and find gold at the end of the rainbow."

My horned little devil says, "You've got 20 days before it's liquids only and this whole new modified eating thing after your date with Dr. Roto-Rooter. Let's party!!  I'll bring on the junk if you bring on the trunk! I'll fill you with all of the chocolate and ice cream and every other kind of garbage that made you a star on the fat list in the first place. We'll invite back all of those friendly pounds that you seem to have lost so far.  You've been friends with those pounds for this long so why say goodbye to them now?"

I've always been a procrastinator.  Why do something today if you can put it off until tomorrow??  I want desperately to make these changes in my life, and truthfully, I believe that I can and will be a success story because I'm willing to commit for the long haul.  As for now though, I'm stuck in the mindset that I might as well enjoy certain foods now, because I may never be able to eat them again.  Even though I know that after the "honeymoon period" ends, the appetite returns, there are still foods that I most likely won't be able to eat again at all in the future without dumping or becoming horribly sick in some other way.

I'm struggling right now....BIG TIME!  I've already gained a couple of pounds back and in some ways this lack of control confirms for me that opting for surgery is indeed the right solution for me.  This tool can work with the logical side of my brain to overcome my urges to binge or to just indulge.  I haven't been emotionally eating or binging, but one of the difficulties of traveling is trying to maintain those healthy eating habits on the road and during the stages of relocation.  That will definitely be an issue that I discuss with my dietician as I'm sure she will be able to help me to develop some strategies in that area. 

I am proud of myself that I haven't allowed myself to get down, and start feeling like a failure.  As crazy as it sounds, although I doubt that I'll start my liver reduction diet early, I look forward to it because it gives me a regimented plan.  It will give me a "step-by-step how-to" and once there, there's no going back. 

So for now, I know that there's already still plenty of junk in my trunk and I don't need to add anymore.  It's time to get some groceries in the house so that I can return to my healthier favorites.  I never in my wildest dreams thought that I'd miss going a few days without some cottage cheese....then again, one look at my thighs, and I realize that the cottage cheese has been with me all along.